I refuse to apologize for being away. Glad we addressed that. Sometimes I don’t feel like being a mouthy bitch online. And sometimes I do, but it’s all on that hell bird app. I don’t want to talk about it. We’re getting back to personal websites, and progress isn’t linear.
Anyway, this post was actually about to be a very long IG caption, and as I was typing on my tiny phone keyboard I had the thought “Why aren’t you putting this on your website?” so thank you technology spirits for that flash of insight.
Today is Valentine’s Day, and we all know that you need candles for romance. Do not @ me, this is not negotiable. For fire safety, I prefer battery operated. For laziness reasons, I prefer remote control. Lucky me I invested in a set of twelve of remote battery candles like two years ago. Unlucky for me, an unnamed person let the battery contacts get all fucked up (it was me).
Have you ever had something battery powered you love get messed up, with that weird battery powder all over the inside? If you are prepared with a few supplies and an excess of executive function, you can safely clean your beloved objects and restore them to working condition!
There are only a few things you need to know. One: don’t touch the battery powder, unless you enjoy your skin getting red and angry at you. Disposable gloves are your friend. If you do get battery stuff on yourself, run lots of cold-ish to lukewarm water over your skin (to dilute), then soap up and scrub like we’re three years into a pandemic. Two: don’t get battery powder shit all over your table – put down a plastic bag from your under-the-sink hoard, or some paper towels. Something you can throw away after you’re done.
Also fun fact: due to advances in battery technology (hello nickle-cadmium, eat shit alkaline batteries) battery powder is less toxic than it’s ever been – it’s still terrible, tho! Also, you shouldn’t throw your batteries away because they start fires at the dump. But do we as Americans have an easy way to get rid of batteries? LOL we don’t even have healthcare, of course we don’t have battery recycling infrastructure.
Getting back into it – three: isopropyl alcohol is the tool for the job. A cotton ball, cotton swab, or even folded up paper towel dipped into iso will dissolve the solid of the battery powder, making it a slurry that is absorbed by the paper product you’re swabbing with. This shit also shouldn’t touch skin or eating surfaces – throw it away. Isopropyl alcohol dries incredibly quickly, meaning that you don’t have to worry about the battery contacts being “wet”; air dries iso faster than your hands and a towel dry a big pot. Trust me, I have a fucking chemistry degree and my first work study job was cleaning test tubes.
Don’t immediately put new batteries into the contacts – wait until the battery opening looks dry, and if you’ve done a good job cleaning, you can test with your fingertip (now that there’s not nasty battery shit everywhere, you can use the power of touch to verify dryness).
If there’s lots of battery powder in the springy part of the contact, a cotton swab is perfect. Dip it into the iso, then insert the swab into the circle of the spring. Turn to the right and left, using just a bit of force to ensure that the isopropyl alcohol on the swab is in contact with the metal of the springs.
A couple of girlfriends a few weeks ago were like, “Lani, how do you KNOW THINGS?” and the answer is “my dad grew up poor and is cheap as hell!” I did a lot of child labor on this type of chore – cleaning fucked up battery contacts, holding funnels as my dad poured various chemicals from one container to another, loosening and tightening screws in narrow places that require tiny hands, being yelled at for letting the flashlight wander because I was both helping with chores and trying my best to read, et cetera.
But it was all worth it in the end for this knowledge. And since I’m planning on keeping this uterus host free, I feel compelled to share the tricks and tips I was forced to learn as a youngling. Now go out there and clean your electronics safely.
Lani.Tech 